HQ Publications

Mindful Monday

Mindful Monday

Bad as it gets, it’s still funny. Humor helps. Some of these are actually good.

  1. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
  2. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
  3. Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
  4. What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
  5. Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
  6. Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
  7. Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
  8. Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
  9. Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
  10. 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which has infinite.
  11. What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
  12. What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
  13. If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
  14. What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
  15. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
  16. You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
  17. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
  18. Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
  19. You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.
  20. Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
  21. Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
  22. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
  23. What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
  24. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
  25. If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
  26. Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
  27. So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
  28. What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.

 

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